Getting “Real”
It’s hard to write when your room is never silent. I’m sorry if this makes no sense because I’m incapable of writing in my room!
In family group tonight, our leaders decided to be really real and vulnerable with us by telling us everything they’re going through and what they struggle with, encouraging the rest of us to share our struggles with each other.
I was thinking really hard about what my struggles are. And it was kind of hard because I’m usually in my own world, too busy to think about my personal struggles. Usually too busy obsessing about my major.
I realized though that I always feel like nobody wants to know what I have to say. Which makes me completely lack confidence. And makes me act incredibly awkward. Such as at work.
A lot of people were saying that they struggled with being so independent that they didn’t accept or ask for help from others. I don’t really struggle with that, but it made me realize something else. I am always afraid of people depending on me because I feel like I’m going to disappoint them. Disappointment is inevitable. But I realize that I’m not very nice to the people I’m closest to. And it’s really just because I want them to know I’m not perfect, which I doubt they think anyways. But it’s like I disappoint them on purpose just so they expect less of me.
Writing this post is just a reminder to tell myself to work on these things. I don’t want to treat those I’m closest to the worst. I want to find my true self. And be that true self. And I hope my true self can be found in the kindness I show, not the frustration and grumpiness I often spew.
1 month ago